Here we are again my friends. We had a nice little break since December but itâs time to get together with our families again and make nice while consuming copious amounts of food and alcohol. Whether youâve made it through 40 days of Lent or a week of chametz free living weâre all in the same boat together: traditions need to be observed, kids need to be entertained and everyone needs to be fed. So, letâs get our finest looks together for living room entertaining and create a game plan for the holiest day of the year.
Passover
Youâve cleared out your home of chametz (grains, wheat, oats, rye, barley, spelt and other leavening agents like yeast or baking soda), set aside all cooking and eating utensils exclusively for Passover and have been marinating lamb for two days. The house is impeccable and youâve been mentally preparing to hear about Aunt Ingridâs maladies for hours on end. Fortunately, the Seder dinner is one event where drinking wine is mandatory! Be sure to grab a little snack before you get started because the drinking begins way before the food and there will be plenty to get through before the feast. Are there several young kids in your family? Lucky you, you get to wait even longer to eat! Your nephew is absolutely adorable reading the four questions, but holy smokes does he need to pick up the pace.
Whatâs that? Time for a little more wine? Donât mind if I do! By the time you get past the bitter herbs youâre about to pass out from the smell of Uncle Leoâs new cologne, but youâve made it and the spread is incredible! Roasted chicken, lamb kebabs, matza ball soup, and chocolate dipped strawberries for dessert! Youâre so content that youâre ignoring the fact that Grandma Genie is napping on the couch blocking the cushion where you hid the afikomen. None of this matters because youâve made it through with only a couple gripes about your choice of table linens and one comment on the size of growing posterior. Itâs a beautiful time to gather with family and share the beauty of your Jewish faith, even if nobody stayed behind to help you with the dishes. Pour yourself another glass because this fantastic pack of weirdos are all yours. lâchaim!
Easter
Oh boy, where do I begin. If your family is truly religious, youâve probably given something up for Lent and Iâm not just talking about red meat. Many give up soda, sweets, tv, swearing (I canât), carbs or event (gasp) alcohol in remembrance of all the suffering and pain Jesus experienced at the end of his life. But boy oh boy, are you able to cut loose on Easter Sunday! Youâve been through three days of church services and are beyond ready for some fun. However, if youâre one of the lucky adults in Miami on our 80-degree Easter morning you get to wake up early and hide eggs in every last cranny of your yard. The kids are filled with so much joy that youâll most likely get to do this again and again until itâs finally an acceptable time to grab a mimosa. The level of boob sweat I experience every Easter morning forces me to plan more costume changes than Diana Ross!
After church youâll likely gather for an insanely huge spread of food but what do we always choose as our meal of preference after 40 days without red meat? Why a spiral ham from Honey Baked Ham of course! Iâm sorry but ham is just our way of phoning it in because we know this part of the day belongs to the kids and we have to cut corners somewhere. Peopleâs homes become open houses for the day and many of us migrate from family home to home to visit with relatives, gather gifts for the kids and (dun, dun, dun) eat more ham! Letâs not forget the endless trays of deviled eggs made from the eggs your kids colored but refuse to eat. Thereâs bits of grass and dirt tracked all through the house from the excited kids and you better have your finest Spanx on when your Grand Aunt shows up because if sheâs anything like mine sheâll tell you that you âlook good but could use a little surgery on your butt.â This is why I drink.
When I look back on my life and reflect on the insanity of my family gatherings from the past, I canât help but laugh. When youâre in those moments the stress can be so high, but that glorious retrospect always brings you back to the joyful moments you shared with loved ones. I love my crazy Tia who thinks I need some sort of plastic surgery on my butt (I really have no idea what a butt surgery is but Iâm very intrigued). Itâs hilarious when your grandma takes a nap on the couch preventing the kids from completing their glorious treasure hunt. Your uncleâs pungent cologne will create a heartwarming sense memory for you when heâs no longer with us and we will all continue to sweat our faces off to entertain the kids. The true beauty of these special holidays is how we all come together to celebrate a higher love that connects us all together. Our faiths may be different but our love is the sameâŠas is the level of crazy we all have to deal with. Chag Pesach Sameach and peace be with you.
Cheers!
Riveting Rosy
@rivetingrosy305
